If you want a friend, Be a friend.

My friendships have evolved over the years! I’m sure you all have encountered different situations where you have gained a friend and/ or lost a friend.

Recently, I have had to revaluate my friendship circle. I have lost friends that I thought would be around forever but they proved otherwise. Life experiences have taught me, when people show you who they are believe them. You’ve all seen this saying floating all over Pinterest,  “Comparison is the thief of joy”.  Well that is all good and true but I want to make one that says “Comparison is the serial killer of friendships.”

Not quite the same ring to it?  However, the point remains.  Comparison, jealousy, and insecurity murder friendships.

Can you relate to rifts and tears and bumps and bruises in friendships? Why do you think friendships are difficult? I want to encourage you all to be a good friend to keep a friend.

Here are 8 tips to be a better friend:

1. Be Loyal

Loyalty is a wonderful virtue. When loyalty is missing other values will certainly suffer in any friendship. This is a quality that you should look for in a friend, as friendships can be very complicated at times, loyalty between friends will hold the friendship together. Be loyal and darn proud of it!! Remember a good friend is someone who walks into your world when the rest of your world is walking out.

2. Don’t stir the Pot

There is always one, sometimes two, who bring on the drama to every group. Drama is really about bringing attention to yourself, and feeling like you are in control of others, in some way. Drama is never helpful. EVER. Drama comes from a place of deep insecurity, and can be toxic. Do your best to diffuse drama when you see it. Speak truth bravely, and don’t be manipulated by it.

3. Listen

Being a good listener is so important for any relationship. Take a mental note during conversations with your friends and offer constructive feedback (when needed). Are you someone who actually hears what her friends are saying, or are you too focused on yourself to get any thing?

4. Accept your friends. Choose them. Be on their side.

Have your friend’s back. Want the best for your friends, jealously is so ugly to wear. Love your friends and support them in their future endeavors. Be there at all times and not when it is convenient for you.

5. Accept the PETTY!

Be a ride or die for your friend. For example, I was seeing a guy and he wanted to “be dumb” (ladies you know what I mean). I wanted to BLOCK him on IG. I told a close friend and she did not encourage the pettiness. At that moment I wanted her to allow me to be petty. I’m human, and it was not going to harm me or others. Why not?! Be considerate of your friends’ feelings and support the bullshit.

6. Say hard things, gently

Sometimes friends need to hear the truth. However, when the truth is comes with a neck roll and sarcasm with cutting words, it isn’t all that palatable. Be the friend who can speak the truth with grace, in a way that makes your friends want to chew on it for a while. Pointing things out in a snotty, nice nasty, I-know-better-than-you kind of way, is not helpful.

7. When you are wrong, say your sorry

You will be wrong. You will do something to hurt your friend’s feelings. When you do, admit it, and apologize with sincerity. Part of being a good friend, means you encourage unity and you value your friendship. Be the bigger person and be honest with your shortcomings.

8. Pray for them

Seeking god in your friendships will make them stronger. He will give you guidance on how to be a better friend and how to treat people you encounter. When you spend your time with them, you will see areas of need, so you can pray for them. Ultimately, it is God alone who brings about lasting change, so commit to praying for and with your friends.

 

 

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Back At It.

blogging-encouragementI’ve come to the realization lately that I avoid blogging because there is always a laundry list of all of the things I need to catch up on in this space…..

-School

-Work

-Family

-Sorority Business

-Dating

And then I get overwhelmed and just end up never blogging.  Unfortunately, that means all the moments happening currently in our lives are getting passed by, undocumented.  And issues arise in our world, culture, and the lives around us that I feel desperate to write about, but there’s this big giant homework pile in my mind staring me in the face, preventing me from ever pressing that first key.

But I am back!! There is still a spot in my heart that longs to write, regardless of what I have going on. With all that said, I will not take a long hiatus again. I will catch you up on my life in new blog post. Thanks for hanging in there readers 🙂

Dating 101

February 4, 2016

Dating..I don’t remember it being so difficult. But I have been out the game for quite some time. I have met some very interesting people during this process. I am always surprised at the way men handle themselves on dates. However, nothing seems to phase me because just when I think I have seen it all, somebody comes and does the impossible. Meeting and learning more about people has encouraged to make a small requirement list in order to take me on a date. I do not think it is an extensive list but trust me it has been hard for most guys to meet. However, I know my king is out there somewhere. To all my single ladies out there, keep your heads up queens! You are not alone.